Recommended reading and listening
A note on these resources
I've included these resources because I genuinely value the quality of their work and believe they can support your learning. I don't recreate what they've already done brilliantly - instead, I direct you to the source.
If you're working with me in therapy, we might reference some of these materials as part of our work together. And if you find other resources that help you, please share them with me - I'm always learning too.
Books
The New Menopause: Navigating Your Path Through Hormonal Change with Purpose, Power, and Facts by Dr. Mary Claire Haver
If you're navigating menopause and want evidence-based, practical information that doesn't minimise your experience - this is the book. Dr. Haver is an OB/GYN who covers everything from hormone therapy to desire changes to why your symptoms are real and treatable. Warm, funny, and absolutely essential.
Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life by Emily Nagoski, PhD
The best book on women's sexuality, full stop. Emily Nagoski breaks down the science of desire, arousal, and pleasure in a way that's accessible, funny, and deeply validating. If you've ever felt broken or wondered why your sexuality doesn't match what you see in movies, read this book.
Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence by Esther Perel
Esther Perel explores the paradox of intimacy and desire in long-term relationships why domesticity and eroticism can feel at odds, and how to bring them back together. A must-read if you're wondering where the spark went.
The Menopause Manifesto: Own Your Health with Facts and Feminism by Dr. Jennifer Gunter
Dr. Gunter takes on menopause myths with science and no-nonsense clarity. From hormone therapy to sexual health, she gives you the facts you need to make informed decisions about your body. Essential reading for anyone who wants to understand what's actually happening.
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Podcasts
unPAUSED with Dr. Mary Claire Haver
Dr. Haver's podcast covers everything from menopause science to sex and intimacy to navigating relationship changes. She brings on experts, shares real stories, and makes menopause feel less isolating and more manageable.
Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel
Esther Perel invites you into real couples therapy sessions (with permission and anonymity). Each episode is an intimate look at how couples navigate desire, betrayal, communication, and connection. Powerful, honest, and deeply human.
The Authentic Sex Podcast hosted by Juliet Allen
Australian sexologist Juliet Allen has candid conversations about pleasure, desire, relationships, and everything in between. Her approach is direct, warm, and unapologetically sex-positive.
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Research & evidence
If you're interested in the research behind sex and relationship therapy, these studies and resources are foundational:
Study of Women's Health Across the Nation (SWAN)
Long-term research following over 3,000 women through menopause and beyond. This study has shaped our understanding of how hormonal changes affect sexuality, desire, and intimate relationships. The evidence base I reference when talking about what's "normal."
Gottman Institute Research
Four decades of research with over 3,000 couples on what makes relationships thrive. The Gottman Method is one of the most rigorously studied approaches to couples therapy, and their work on communication, conflict, and intimacy informs my practice.
The Gottman Institute Love Notes
A huge resource base of free articles, videos, and tools on relationships, communication, intimacy, and desire. Evidence-based and practical. Explore at [www.gottman.com](https://www.gottman.com)
The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van der Kolk
The neuroscience research on how trauma affects the body, nervous system, and capacity for intimacy. This book synthesises decades of research on trauma and embodiment - essential for understanding trauma-informed approaches to sexuality and relationships.Websites & online resources
Web based resources
It's Normal
by Georgia Grace and team
An Australian sexual wellness brand offering free, inclusive, shame-free sex education. Their blog covers everything from communication to pleasure to navigating relationship challenges. Excellent practical resources.
Cyndi Darnell
Sex therapist, relationship counsellor, and author
Cyndi's website offers articles, courses, and her book Sex When You Don't Feel Like It on mismatched libido and rediscovering desire. Her approach is compassionate, no-BS, and deeply informed.
Esther Perel
Psychotherapist and relationship expert
Esther's website offers articles, courses, and her popular card game for couples. Her work on eroticism, infidelity, and relational intelligence is world-class.
Play Safe NSW
NSW Health sexual health information
Practical, evidence-based information about sexual health, STI testing, contraception, and relationships for all ages. A trusted government resource.